I am, it would seem, an interminable goof. I can’t help it. I find being goofy both an intellectual challenge and an emotional thrill.

Lately, I’ve found that Twitter has been a very fun outlet. It’s kinda a cross between microblogging and a chat room, and that seems to suit me just fine..

Well, last night was the much-anticipated 4th season premiere for Lost. It’ll likely be a while before I get a chance to see it (despite the fact that I love the show), and someone tweeted: “Hey! Watch it with the Lost spoilers!”.

I seemed to have taken this as a challenge, perhaps… So, without further explanation, after the jump are my tweets covering my version of spoilers for the episode — written live, as others watched the episode, but I did not.. Kudos to you if you can pick up some of my obscure TV references here..

• Sawyer just totally made out with Jack! I knew that there was more than anger between them!
• Why are all the Lost people wearing cricket uniforms, and WTF is that big, blobby white thing coming up the beach!
• Wait.. when did monkey ninjas come to the island in Lost? Did I miss an episode?
• Hey… Locke really *is* one of the Watchers! I knew that his clever knowledge and arcane ways were more than just gullibility + vengeance.
• Are you kidding me? There were *14 other planes* that crashed on the island? And they built their own Disneyland? Screw the writers!
• Whew! At least the firewall on the internet connection left by the Others still allows torrents through.. They can still get podcasts, too.
• Eww… the next four months on Lost are going to be ugly. I *knew* not having toothbrushes on a sandy beach was going to destroy teeth..
• Kate still is pretty cute, tho’, even with all of her front teeth ground down and the rash from the jungle leaves..
• Aw man… this behind the scenes interstitial is really revealling.. Who knew that the original script said “they find the *Hutch*”?!?
• Now I know the writers were smoking crack.. I mean, why do the people on the island debate Obama vs Clinton vs Ron Paul vs McCain? Sheesh..
• Holy moley! I knew that Hurley would miss his little hobbit buddy, but TO BURN DOWN THE WHOLE ISLAND! Gawrsh!
• If you looked really carefully, you saw the naked guy from the first Survivor down the beach. He was released from prison for a walk-on.
• Hey, neat! A steampunk submarine! Haven’t seen that since Mysterious Island! Wait.. is Lost *on* Mysterious Island? Go, Nemo, Go!
• Oh, man.. that nameless background character had a cellphone all this time? He was worried about OVERTIME MINUTES? That jerk!
• Hey, cool.. So Walt has a power halfway between Molly’s and Mikah’s? I wonder if Sawyer has Sylar’s power, just hasn’t tried it yet?
• I had no idea that Ben was actually 400 years old, and came from ancient Japan. Explains so much, really..
• Wait.. Claire is actually Sayid’s grandmother? I *knew* the time-travel story was too much for Lost..
• Oh, there goes Michael again, running after Walt.. Geez, Michael! He just went to the bathroom!
• Ohmigod.. they actually introduced a character named “Romeo” as Juliet’s love interest? Are they trying to poison the series?
• I *totally* saw that coming! I mean, axe, hand, pushcart.. it’s all right there!
• It’s about time that they revealed the alien influences in Lost, and that it is all just an abduction by Greys. They hinted at it forever.
• Oh, cool! So, the island is the only thing left on the whole world? And the plane was shot down by an alien ray? Of course! Brilliant!
• Awesome! So, Locke’s disembodied hand is like the one from the Addam’s Family..