CAFFEEN! playlist for 2015-04-25: “A Shade, Less Dark”

CFN 2015-04-25 coverartWhat if you awoke to find yourself missing?

Would you invent a new you from the whole cloth of your surroundings, or would you take any advice — from anyone — to find that self you were?

And what happens if that’s the same thing?

  • From Fellirium‘s album Untitled I, we heard Procession of shadows.
  • We heard This Will Destroy You with their song Memory Loss from the album Another Language.
  • From the album All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone (Bonus Disc) by Explosions in the Sky we heard Welcome, Ghosts (Adem Mix).
  • We heard godspeed you! black emperor with their song from the album Asunder, Sweet and Other Distress.
  • We heard Nadja with their song Veil of Disillusion from the album Numbness.
  • We heard the song Swirling Colours Sink by Destroy All Dreamers which came from the album A Coeur Leger Sommeil Sangiant.
  • From the album Rave Tapes by Mogwai we heard Remurdered.

CAFFEEN! Playlist for 2015-04-11: “Load From Backup Y/N?”

CFN 2015-04-11 coverartWhat is reincarnation, but a rebooting?

What is life, but an execution of a procedure?

What is death, but the termination of the cycle?

Please donate.

  • From Destroy All Dreamers‘s album A Coeur Leger Sommeil Sangiant, we heard The Sky Was Glorious for a Moment.
  • From Pye Corner Audio‘s album The Black Mist, we heard Bulk Erase.
  • We heard the song Memory Loss by This Will Destroy You which came from the album Another Language.
  • We heard the song Uprise by Caudal which came from the album Ascension.
  • We heard Universally Known/Already Forgotten by Wild Domestic from their self-titled album.
  • From the album I know nothing. by Dr. Preachenstein we heard (Part Two) I know nothing.

Saving Money Slowly

2013-05-12 18.18.30About a year ago, just after Balticon was over, I said to myself: “That was great, but.. Next year I’ve got plan my money better!”

I managed to get to Balticon, but I was severely money-crunched. I’m not a great saver, really, but it’s balanced out pretty well by the fact that I’m not a great spender, either. I grew up poor, which manifested in me in a number of ways, not least of which is a very strong desire to resist buying anything until the need is great.

This is not a perfect strategy. Continue reading

If “Life is what you make it”, what are we making it into?

Contemplation of the ancient and the new, all at once..

Every once and a while, I seem to sit up straight, cast off the blanket of “normal life”, and look around with fresh eyes. During those times, I start to wonder: “What am I supposed to be doing with my life?”

Now, don’t get me wrong: I’m not entirely unhappy with my life. I doubt this is any real sort of “mid-life crisis”-induced thinking. Granted, the phenomenon is common enough to be a cliché, and one of the most astonishing things one realizes about one’s life is how many of those are true, even without consciously being molded into them..

No, it’s not entirely about any form of dissatisfaction in life that I put that question to myself. Rather, it is the strange notion of “age” and “age appropriateness” which I’ve never entirely cottoned on to.

(Er.. “to which I’ve never entirely cottoned”? Let’s not let grammar get in the way of meaning, shall we?)

I’ve always felt that age was really just a label, and really not meaningful. When I was a kid, I got along better with adults than other kids. As an adult, I’ve always related to university-age “kids” better than contemporaries. I’ve always bristled at the notion that I had “to grow up” or “grow out of childish things”.

I don’t think I fall into the cliché of “man-boy” — I’m plenty mature. Actually, in some ways I think it’s the prime of my life: I’m old enough, mature enough and experienced enough to have self-control, reflection, insight, intelligence, appreciate hard work and so forth, yet still young enough to appreciate fun things and allow my mind and heart to wander. I don’t have the phenomenal disposable income someone of my age typically gets from work, but that’s less typical these days for the majority of people anyway.

I think I’m caught in the in-between generation, the generation that started when the world worked one way — let’s call that the standard model — and a brand-new way, which we’ll call the new model. Continue reading

Movember update: mighty fine stache

Once you have broken the overwrought pattern, the ends of it wave back and forth, madly trying to connect to other things. New patterns form, weak and unsupported, very tenuous and temporary. Strange insights may be had at this time, as the patterns are formed in your mind, and it feels freer than ever, frighteningly, exhilaratingly, intriguingly so.

The interesting thing about a spiral — even one that you are out of control in! — is that it comes close to the point where you were before. You can see it, just over there. If the spiral isn’t regular and smooth, the points may even cross over, intersecting but with trajectories in opposite directions. You can linger at that point, but the movement won’t be in the same direction.

Life seems like that, sometimes, composed of moments that are similar to the past, occasionally repeating but never quite going the same way. Continue reading