Decembeard 6, 2011: Burger-Shaped Emptiness

To the 'stache, I'm adding a soul patch, goatee and sideburns (not yet visible).

What is it about the late-night craving that is so intense?

I’ve already had my supper. I ate lunch. I had a bagel for breakfast. Sure, the meals weren’t grand and huge, but they were tasty. Ok, maybe I didn’t entirely feel satisfied after each meal, but that’s normal, right? You’re not supposed to feel full, right?

But later that night, I’m feeling peckish. That is to say, stark raving hungry. I could eat a horse (provided you could cook it), or at least a small flock of birds. Someone mentions running out for a late-night burger, and suddenly: I’m ravenous.

So, I try to satiate the beast. I have a bun. A bagel is unfrozen. Maybe a cookie.

Nothing works. Continue reading

November traditions: NaNoWriMovember!

I’m not sure why this year has marked so many changes to me. Perhaps it is the reeling and rocking reaction to the changes that have come external to me, the changes I initiate as course corrections in response to the asteroids and stellar tailwinds.

Or maybe it is just the outpouring after a dam has burst, its pent-up contents free to stream out and release the potential energy..

In any case, I’m trying two traditions this year, for November, which are new to me: Movember and NaNoWriMo. Or rather, I’m trying┬áto. Continue reading

RIP, my beard circa 2003-2011: may you return soon

I, like most, have my fears, misgivings and sensitivities. Like most, I seek to overcome them when I can, challenge myself to face my insecurities and my beliefs and my stable yet unhelpful patterns.

I’ve just challenged another one: I shaved.

I have almost always conceived of myself as a bearded man. I have worn a beard for the better part of the last 20 years. On two or three occasions, I have shorn the beard entirely, just to rattle myself, or to stifle my dependence on that self-image, or something.

Actually, the reasons for my follicular violence are never that clear. In this current case, I can only point to a few motivating factors, such as my frustration over an inability to get a hair cut, something I’ve needed for months and yet have either conveniently found excuses against or have simply forgotten about. I detected this pattern of avoidance, but it’s a strong one and resists direct attempts to change with rationality.

Have I talked about my theory of patterns and mental behaviour before? Continue reading